god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
