did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
