but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
