i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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