you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so that wasnt chicken after all
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
