sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
