i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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