Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
