Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize