see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
