My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
