whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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