absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
