he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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