You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
