If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's always time for handjobs
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
