She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
