he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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