OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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