Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
