Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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