oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize