I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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