The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
