apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
