Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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