can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
