She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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