either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
please come you make the beer taste better
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
