i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
