but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
