By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
