im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
