she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
