Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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