i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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