I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
