I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
