the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
