Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
