Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
