if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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