Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
