im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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