"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
