maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
