there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
