So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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