No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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