so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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