Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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