dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
