I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
