her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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