It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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