four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
