i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
