Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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