I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
