I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
