Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize